A cup of freedom, please

21 going to be 22 in a couple of months.

I happen to know what i want, what i love to do, whom i love to spend my time with.
But i guess sometimes life's trick me with giving the right argument.

"I shouldn't do this.. You can't do that.. It's not supposed to be happening.. It's not the right path.. etc."

So when the crossroads lie in front of my eyes, i tend to choose the "supposed-to-be-pick" road.
And i'm making myself happy with that choice.

This time, i wonder.
If i pick what i want, not what i suppose to, can i be happier?
If i dare my brain to rest and let my heart rule my actions, can i be more free?
If i let my eyes do the talking, instead my mouths, can i be more honest?
If i just do things without thinking twice, is it gonna be surprising?


I wonder and wonder..
I wanna be bolder, i wanna own my freedom.


So people, can i have a cup of freedom, please? With judgement on the side.

Not a Cheering Squad

I decided to blog again. Simply because i need to whine, and blab about this thing.

What thing, you may wonder.

Well, this thing i keep telling myself, that i have a limit.

In this case, not because i'm too busy or too tired, come on, i'm not.

In this case is because i need to give me a break. That not everything's okay. The way you treated me it's not okay, it's not supposed to, it can't be something that i can face everyday and do nothing at the end.

In this case is to make some bold movements outside my comfort zone. To disappointed other people, to not always being there when they in need, to not always feel obligated to do something i don't really wanna do.

But i only have the guts to blog about this, and not talk about it out loud.

At least, this is a first step?

Harsh.

She Could Be You

Shawn Hlookoff
She Could Be You lyric

I'm haunted by this photograph

Don't know why
Everytime I look, I get shivers down my spine
You're such a beautiful face
I know those eyes
They take me back in time

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you

I wish that i could tell you
What you don't know
I dream about that day
But it's impossible
In another world,
I'll be yours tonight
But i can't break free from this life

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you

I see it all the time
I know it's true
A picture doesn't lie

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you

She could be you
She could be you

Love Kyle XY.

Cheerio

safety net and crossroads

Since our mother pregnant, she keeps us in her womb. All warm and save.
Certain of our safety, well taken care of, loved.
Then we born. All new things and people surround us.
We have to found a way to protect ourself, so when things fall apart, we stay strong.

I call that creating our safety net. A way to alarm ourself when things got back, to step back and stay safe.
Inside that net, its safe, distant from anything that will shake up our beleieve, our state of mind, and our heart.

Finding the safety net is not easy, I have to gone through so many thing to find one.
I have one. I know exactly how to feel save whenever I want.
To me, its about a broken heart.
Well as cheesy as it sound, it is.

So when I see this place, this way to secure my feelings, I take it.
This place cure me. Really did. I just forgot that everything has its price.
My price is that I become so secure and save so I hate to put any jeopardy to lose it.

Suddenly, I was shaken by the fact that I lose so many thing as a price to be inside this net.
I have to get my life started. By take a step out of this place.
Its hard.
Its my crossroads.
I choose to walk awaY.
I need to lose my net.
Reborn?
Not yet.

But this is about me.
I can handle this, as always.
Go me!!


Cheerio.

am i matter?

This is what people seeking in their everyday life.

This is what people hope they have.

This is what i think i have to achieve.

Am i matter to you?

Is my thoughts important to you?

Do i make changes in your life?

Do people care about what i feel?

Or they just having too much fun using me as a getaway.

Or they pretend they care, so they feel better.

Or they keep on whining and whining without once asking me about how I feel? How i do?

Friends is overrated.

it's not by the book.

I think everybody is like a book. Like a novel, there's a main character, conflict, climax, and everything you see in a novel. 
Sometimes the character is so bold, you could've guess the storyline from the very first page. 
Sometime, the character so blur, you have to read the whole book to get it.
Sometime, you simply get it. You don't have to read the book, cause you see yourself in it.




So i know this one person who know me, get the idea of my book. This person might not be know every trivial detail about me. But this person could've guess, and will be right. Cause this person gets it. The whole package. The whole deal.


There's another one. This person willing to read me, page per page. This person read it, literally, and believe it. That this is the idea of me, because this novel said so. So this must be it. 


The thing is, people change. Every minute, every day, there's a little bit change we're going through. One day i love blue, the next day red looks more cute. The little things, the little things that make a huge change in a daily basis. I know sometimes it's nice when someone notices your secret expression, your favorite coffee, your type of shoes. It is nice. But it changes, so never say something like, " Ah, this is your favorite shoes. Because you said so. I remember." Noo, come on. It changes.


When you get the idea of someone, the way they think, the way they see the world, the way they reacted to something, the way they see themself. It's great. Because the shoe thing doesn't really matter anymore. you know the person, so it doesn't matter, wheter you know their favorite color, or their favorite music. No matter, it's the getting about their mind that matter much. to me, at least.


So when this person gets me, and the way i think about myself, i feel so damn good. Like someone finally make sense of what i am. What i think about. And i have to thank God i have this person as my best bud, so he continually reminds me, that  people can make sense. 


That simple. People make sense, when you get to know them not memorize them.

up up up!

Get my days up!

So i'm making the wrong move, that's okay. Now, what will i do to make it right again? That's the challanging part. Everybody can wallow and cry, but the one who wipe the tears away with the new leaves is the one who will succeeded.

UP UP, TIME!!!!!!!

want my own kinda fairy tale..

early 20 crisis?

What i want?
What i need?
Where have i been?
Which way to choose?
What life i want?

These questions, mumbling around in my head. So tired of it, this messed me up. I dont know what i want, and how to be a better me. I feel like i'm making all the wrong choice, and the worst timing.

So a dear friend actually open my eyes the other day, i get it. But how come i don't know what i want? How come i'm stumbling around everywhere wthout really know exactly where i want to be? I need to get to know with myself. Really am.

A.S.A.P.

My tarot reading

Hasil pembacaan tarot online.
Biasanya gak percaya, tapi kok agak - agak tepat? Nahloh.




Card 1 (The Tower) : How you feel about yourself now »


You feel that the disruption and sweeping change you are going through, or fear you are about to go through, will be catastrophic. You need to recognise that such upheaval can force new directions that you never dreamed possible. Subconsciously you may have wanted change, but as is often the case, the solution isn't always as we expect. There could be problems relating to your property, or if considering a new property or move, progress will be thwarted.




Card 2 (The Devil) : What you most want at this moment »


The cards suggest that what you most want at this time you can't have, like the forbidden fruit, which makes it all the more tempting. Or you could go for it but you know that it would be a bad choice and for all the wrong reasons. Yes, you want passion and gratification - just be careful where you go looking for it.



Card 3 (The Hierophant) : Your fears »


Are you really your best counsel? Probably not at this moment in time. You are worried that you will sell yourself short and agree to something that you don't feel morally comfortable with. For example you may really desire marriage but the offer has been 'let's live together'. You may be looking at a job or business opportunity but you question how ethical it is. Seek out an advisor you can trust such as a teacher, priest, parent or anyone you have respect for. They will be happy to help.




Card 4 (The Lovers) : What is going for you »


New love and commitment will enter your life, even if there's no one on the horizon - be prepared for a surprise. Throw caution to the wind and expect joyous and happy times ahead.




Card 5 (Strength) : What is going against you »


Your negativity and lack of self control are your real enemies. If you are finding certain addictions in your life are taking a hold, be it smoking or drinking for example, look inward for you hearts true strength and self-belief. Change your attitude and be positive and you will reap great rewards.



Card 6 (Justice) : Outcome »


Justice will be done. Decisions will go in your favour, particularly regarding partnerships or legal matters. A time for some good luck and reward for your good deeds in the past.

all of a sudden

I wonder how you can change me the way you did?

What did you do?

my books, lovely books =))

i'm upset today.
dunno why, then i turned around and meet them.
Precious old books of mine, aah how i miss hunting them with my father..

So,i've decided i'm gonna start read them again and review them in my blog. hhe
Hope you'll be inspired to read them too, they're great. Takes you to dream land.
They say Pisces people love and dream about livin in the dream. I guess thats true, and that's come true when i read and dream to be in the far away land.

Ah, please, don't take me back to reality.

;)

love someone the way they are. seriously?

I always confused about this sentence.

Clearly the one that made this never fall in love. hha

See the point is when you had that butterfly in your gut, you know this person is the one ( for the moment ). We try this and that to looked like the one he / she wants from a boyfriend / gf. So it's the first change we make for them.

Then we got them, being a gf/bf never felt so good because you love them.

But again, the boredom waves kicks in. Yeah, it sucks. You have to change the way you play your game, the way you treat your lover. It's the second change we made.

Like my friend stated to me last night, " Im gonna change myself, so she still be with me at the end. Maybe it's about time i changed anyway." 

Wow, it's blinding you, seriously. You will find yourself changed after a while, you're not the old you. Love changes you, and thats not wrong, the sentence on the other hand, kinda wrong.

Hahahha

Just a piece of random thoughts.

communicate well.

Last night i have this little chat with my friend, we're talking about the importance of communicate well. From his point of view, he stated that no communication it's okay when you have the right tool to show them what do you want, in this case making communications tools. 

But i disagree.

The human touch is important. When we can touch somebody else's feeling, we GOT them. The problem is people too much arguing about wheter communication behaviour will vanished alongside the IT growth. To me, it'll never vanished, can you feel the warmth in your heart when you're having a chitchat with some stranger on the bus? It's great right? It's reminds you how great people are. How amazing this life takin every other people to their road.

So when someone said communication is not that important, tell them " Do you know eventhough you're quite, your gesture, your eyes, your whole body is communicating. 

We can not not communicate - Wilbur .S

eager. want. ambition. lust.

how u differentiate those 4 words? im clueless..

about wrong turn.

So when you know you're making a wrong turn? Of course it's when you turned and found that t's not the path you search.

So what will people say about people making wrong turn?

" Ah, you're just a quitter."

" Are you serious? Maybe you should stay longer"

" Quit."

Well in my opinion it's a common thing, you making the wrong turn, making the wrong choice, and that sort of things. What really matter is what will you do about it. Will you just stand still being regretful? Or you're going bold and turn around? People will say lots of things, they just have opinion for everything. What really matters is what you feel. Are you happy? If not, then what's the point? Go turn around find your new path. It's there.

When we're making the wrong turn, in that second we just know, that that path will no longer be a choice in your life. Period.

you have no right.

I have this increadible lesson from the series Law and Order : SVU.

So this episode is about a woman that own a suicide-helping website for all the people who want to end their life because they can't handle the pain in their life.

This go to the first trial, when the lawyer push this woman to admit that she has NO RIGHT to end people's life. Then here it comes the great perspective:

The woman, " STOP! You have no idea about my pain, about their pain! Who do you think you are? Judging people about their own life? You live your life ithout feeling my pain, their pain, why are you the one to JUDGE? Open your eyes, everybody have their own right. Open you eyes. "

and i couldn't agree more. 

My bestfriend said the same thing that day, about everybody keep messing with her, pushing her around to think like others think, do what others do. She simply said, " When it comes to making desicion, just please leave it at me. I have my own reasons, my own kinda life, maybe you don't get my reason, but what the hell. I Do believe it's in my hand. Stop judging by your standart, people."

So i conclude this by my special message that everybody's different, don't ever think that you're the one with the biggest problem, the worst life, the messed-up family. Everybody have their own messed-up things, if you have the pleasure to have a perfect life, just don't close your eyes. 

Know your environment, see that everyone is different, why they choose to play around with their life, or bust their ass of to make money, don't judge. Because we can't know about everything, because that why Allah creates us different to know each other, to learn from each other, to learn to tolerate, to negotiate, to be patience.

So when you see people make a decision that simply unrational for you, let it be. It's their right, if you are really care about them, simply be there when they're down, and need you the most.

Well, like i always said, "never judge,never will"

an intern!

so i'm excited for my first day at Initiative Media Agency.


kinda excited..but scared too at the same time.
am i cut for media people?

hmm.. guess the best wa to handle is to say yes and try,,

i'm posting about it soon i guess.

or Lowe?

gosh..

i don't like to choose, cause i want the both, but i can't, i can't be that greedy,,

HOOPLAA!!!! absurd.

shock.

shock.

thankyou.

again Ireland. Brb to heaven.

So i don't know what i should call it. Two days in a row it's all about Ireland to me.
First, leap year.
Now, P.S. I Love You.

It's fix then. I'm going to Ireland
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.. one day. hahahha

leap year

God, simply love the movie. I know the storyline is not so different from any other romantic-comedy movie. But the places, WALES, GOd, take me to Irish land.

So there's this tradition that women can propose to their boyfriend every 29th of February, and they will have their happily ever after. The main character, Anna, flew over 2000 miles to be with her boyfriend and propose him, in Dublin.

Well, the adventure Anna has to be with her boyfriend will make you laugh your hearts off. Trust me, just enjoy the scenery. THAT"S AMAZIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

"take me to Irish laaandddd"

errr, is it okay?

Gw cuma bisa shock liat keberadaan 2 billboard provider papan atas di Indonesia ini.. Any comment?

know. think. see.

Beware of what you say, you never know how much you hurt someone. How bad you made them think about their self. Know, that NO ONE deserve to feel bad because of your existence. Everybody have their own purpose, their own way to express their self. Think, that NO ONE is wrong. They just have a different set of mind, different set of goals. See, that YOU are the same person that everybody are. You don't want to be hurt, so don't hurt others.At least, not so much.

Isn't it be a peace world if everybody get it? ahh.. if it's up to me..

Fatima Amira

read it. feel it. do it.

This picture i see in http://principessalavienz.blogspot.com/ , and it is soo good, i have to repost it. ;)

To me the "talk less, say more" is what everybody should do to end the war. Haha Well, if it's up to me..

life by my moments

i'm the kinda girl who loves her friends too much, i forgot to love myself.
i'm the kinda girl who life to experience as many moments as possible.

Experience every step of your life-cycle, don't try to fast-forward it.


I believe this sentence so much, i make my friends aware of it also. I hate it when other people feel like rushing their life, come on what's the point? When you still have the time to just lay around and play, may as well you enjoy it right?

This holiday my college mates and myself  try to have an internship experience, when everybody racing to get the internship program ( including me ), i think the opposite way, am i fast-forwarding my life? God, i don't wanna do it, i wanna be the present me, not the future me.
But what if i am being the future me?
What if the present me is experiencing the maturity part right now?
What if i need this to be my new moment of my life?

Confusing.
I life by my moments, always have always will. My friends used to say that i can't miss anything cause i LOVE to be involved in anything. I'm a moment's capture, i keep every moments so it builds up to my life experience. I love my experience to be rich, so i choose to have every moments that i can.

So i come to this conclusion, if i have my internship this June, than it'll be my new moment. And it's not a fast-forward thingy, it's just me experiencing how it is to be a grown up for a while. So when i'm back being a college student, i now exactly how to be grateful for my play time.

Isn't it a neat plan? hiihhii

Cherioo! ;)

maybe not this time.

Maybe not this time,
not this time to breathe
not this time to be free
not this time to be me
not this time to be complete

Maybe not this way,
not this way to be me
not this way to be free
not this way to be completed
not this way to be loved

Maybe not this heart,
Maybe not this second,
Maybe not that heart
not that heart to be broken.

Cheerio! =)

nice girl role.

" You be a good girl. " My Dad used to say.
I keep it in my heart, everyday being my best
to be nice,
to act nice,
to mean nice,
to think nice,
to smile nice,
to talk nice,
to dress nice.

I keep this role, all my life. it suits me perfectly, i meant to be a nice girl. People know that i am nice. They can count on me, they can trust me.

21 years of my life being this plain nice girl, this year God give me the chance to play mean.
I HATE it. I dont do mean. I hate to not being guilty to being mean. I hate being heartless, i hate saying what i truly mean, what i truly feel, cause it hurt people. It's hurt to hurt people. But i done that.

That's why i need it to stop, i need to stop being heartless. Cause people around me too precious to be hurted.
well, not everyone get it, buat i do it for myself. I need my nice role back. I need to feel nice again.

My dear friend said, sooner or later you have to handle yourself when people say you're a disappointment, so you grow tougher, stronger.
That's why God give me this situation, to let me learn the other role, the other mindset. It makes me grow, hope everybody else thinking the same way.

Everybody deserve their happiness, when you're not happy just keep on moving. Life's might surprise you..

=)

BoyBand attack!!

Everybody yeaaahh
Yeaaahhh
Rock your body yeaahh
Yeaaahh


Hahahha this post will be filled with my current hobby, listening to the old boyband's song! Yeaaay!! hahaha

First of all, Westlife, OF COURSE, the best boyband ever. Followed with Backstreet Boys, and N*Sync ( Just because of Justin appearance). I dont know from a couple of days a go, i start to listen to these songs, and find that their lyric is soo good and sweet. Call me a freak, but i love how these guys adjust their tone to this sweet lyric.


First stop : WESTLIFE! Kyaaa
Flying Without Wings

"Well to me is waking up beside you. To watch the sunrise on your face. To know that i can say i love you, in any given time or place. It's the little thing that only i know, those are the things that make you mine. And it's like flying without wings, cause you're my special thing. Im flying without wings. "

NICE LYRIICCC, right? Who will say something so sweet rather than Shane? ;)

Second : BACKSTREET BOYS
Drowning

"Maybe I'm a drifter Late at night 'Cause I long for the safety Of flowing freely In your arms I don't need another life line It's not for me 'Cause only you can save me Oh can't you see I can't imagine life Without your love And even forever don't seem Like long enough "

Third : N*SYNC!
Gone

"So I'll just hang around and find some things to do To take my mind off missing you and I know in my heart You can't say that you don't love me too Please say you do.."

nice nice break up song.

Let's wrap it up for this post. hhe

Cherioo! =)

free falling

This title come from one of my fav song, Free Falling by John Mayer.

"Gonna free fall out into nothin’
Gonna leave this world for a while"

So i'm having my getaway, my free fall, about last week. And Garut is my choice!

Oh how i miss having my phone off, and only listen my own thought. For the first since so many weeks i spent managing this and that, i can think about simple things, do simple chores, act silly with my dear cousin.

That time i spend to be me, to simply have a nap. To rest. There i found what's real to me, my family. They not there because of their duty, they not laugh because they have to, they simply love me. =)


Garut is a nice, quite place. You can get around the town in about 15minutes top. ME and my family kinda lost a couple of times though for not speaking good Sundanese. hahahh. But it is fun, and tiring.

Can't wait to go there, to Sampireun. About Sampireun i can't say much, only beent there half an hour, but it is romantic.

Here's some pict!

this particular feeling

I hope i can feel this kinda feeling again, finger crossed.

My Gadizsa said, "Don't be so narrow-minded there's someone for everyone "



When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

am not a commodity

Let's see what famous people said about friends:

"A friend is someone, who upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain than to have to watch their friend suffer."
- Amanda Grier

" Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you."
-Yassir Arafat

"if you haven't learned what friendship means then you haven't learned anything"
-muhamid alli

Yeah, you see their talking about how you need a friend to survive in your life. But not to commodify your friends. NEVER ever makes your friend think she's been used by you. It;s not cool, never ever will be cool.

This is a short post, too furious and disappointed.

i'm a mess, i am.

I'll say i'm ungrateful.
I beg for this, i said i'm ready for this, but then i failed.

I guess it's okay when you're failing, but not when it involved other people's feeling.
I hurt you, i know that. I want to want this, truly do.

But i don't know how, how?
How to want this, how to balance this ?

I'm a mess, i am.
I can't fake this, i can't.
I hate being mean, i am.

I'm good in being a friend, but turns out i'm bad handling people that care about me. God, how i hate when people starts caring too much about me. What's wrong with me? Isn't that suppose to be great to have someone care about you? I don't know.. It sure doesn't feel that way right now. I prefer to be left alone, i feel comfortable that way.

How can you be this stubborn, huh?
How can you be so sure about me?
How can you handle me?
You don't get me, but you're trying your best. I applaud you for that, cause i'll hate me if i'm you. I hate how i can be so careless when you need me. When i be so mean and cruel even after you're being too kind to me.

Are you sure you can fix me?
i AM a mess, i am.

To be a better me, she does.

This is yet another story of another precious person in my life.

Yep, it's another she.
She's been in my life not that long but long enough to let me learn a LOT from her.

I always think that i'm a rock. She let me know that being weak is human.
I tend to think i'm a failure. She brings out the best side of me.
I once stuck at my sadness. She cheer me out of the dark spot.

I can go on and on about her, but still won't picture her appropriately. She come to my life in my weakest point. She takes me to this new set of mind, set of goals, set of love.

From scratch to a masterpiece, i know she's able to do almost anything. I can say she's one of my role models, i see her as someone who knows wheres she's going, and how to achieve it.

Her ambition tend to let her down easily, but that is part of her charm. Her voice, her work habits, i have no other word but admiration. People say she's my best friend, i'd say she's my personal weed. And it's been an incredible year getting high with her.

So i'd say,
She's a rock
She's the rock that makes me this better person.
She's Dinda Sarasannisa. =)



Cause i'll say, "It's the story of our life that makes us human, tell your story"

for one more day

For One More Day by Mitch Albom, di buku ini tokoh utamanya diberi kesempatan menjali sehari penuh bersama almarhum ibunya. Membayar semua rasa rindu dan rasa bersalah yang dia punya ke ibunya.

Gw mikir, kalo itu terjadi di gw, i wanna have one day of my past, i really do. I wanna feel how it feels to feel again. To be free and talk about what you feel to my friend.

It must be great, to be the old me. haha..

this is my now

"Dont just want it, DO IT!!" said one of my bestfriend.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


3 Doors Down

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone do what I've done
I missed life
I missed the colours of the world
Can anyone go where I am

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't do what I've done

And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

an in between

When you're in the blue side, you'll say that the green way is wrong and cruel.

When you find yourself in the green side, you'll say the blues get it all wrong.

It simple, not 100% right. But you feel that certainity. That absolute feeling about your position.
Different story if you're an in between. You just an't decide. Because you know you're not a blue, you're not a green. You're a blueish green, or a greenish blue.

Deep inside, you know the blue way is the right one, but you're doing what a green people do.
So? can you blame the one doing green? Even when it hurts you're friends, you now it's what you do.

So, i'm not picking side.
I know how it feels being in the green zone.
And i respect the blue, i truly do. It's just sometimes it's more complicated to pick side, to pick an attitude, when you're damaged.

Damaged.

year book syndrome

I never open my year book. I asked my friend to write things in it when i graduated, then i never open it anymore.

I think i have a year book syndrome, that wave of sadness and memory, blaagh i don't handle it well. Today i happen to faing a real life year book. Today i'm walking in the same path as i do about 3 years a go.

Same plae. Sama situation. Different people.

Today when i walk on that path by myself, a little part of me hope that what i will see at the end of this day will be the same. But then, it doesn't. But i turned out okay.

Today while i try my harder not to remember things i don't have, i realize better things at the new end.

Today my memory from 3 years a go, slowly replaed.

I feel.. relieved. =)

this dear friend of mine

I wanna tell you this story about a dear friend of mine.

I won't say she's a fragile girl, no she isn't.
I won't say she's a whiny girl, no she isn't.
I won't say she's an unstable girl, no she's not.

Those are things i won't say about her, and these are things i will say about her

she's a full of love person
she has the most positive mind in her true state of mind.
she loves people in many ways, she's there and still be your friends even after you show her you're mean.
she loves people without doubt, not 50 - 50 like many people do these days.

And beause of these reason, people let her down easily. She thinks the best of everybody, she's what i think of a sweet girl.
She's simply herself, not afraid to be loveless, she spread many love to her friends.

Now, seeing she's hurt? I feel like my lovefull friend looked so helpless.
No way, dear friend i'm gonna let you be this fragile, i know you're not. You're tough in your own way, more than me, more than any other girl.

Never afraid to love, i adore you dear friend.

=)

this feeling, dejavu

When i first step my feet at UI i feel this sense, like a homey feel. I don't know why, but that feeling lead me to work my ass off for UI. And with so many support from friends and family, i get in.

Today, that feeling strut me one again. I don't wanna tell you what plae i'm stepping my feet into now. I just hope this time, i'll bust my ass off to get it. Amen!

From this day on, i'm gonna write one thing everyday, this thing will be about something that i found interesting and new to me. So one day i'll go to this blog, and relive my life.

Enjoy!

need to need

I'm proud to say that i'm an independent girl. I don't like when what i'm doing have to bother another people. But don't get me wrong, i never feel weird around new people, i make friends any day of my life.

It's just when it involves depending to other people i tend to bolt in my own way. I dunno why, but this habit been with me as long as i remember. Sometimes it makes me going to a rough path by myself, but that feels just alright to me. This habit never felt wrong until i find myself a boy.

My friends said to me that it's okay to depend on someone, but i feel like i ant depend on the person. He's not around, so it feels like no use to tell him whats bothering me,he wont be here anyway, so why bother? Is it wrong? I don't know, to me it's not. When i let myself go dependent i will be so needy, and when i think the person won't be able to fill the need, i'll be the tough one, i'll be the oh-so-independent one. When the real thing is i need to need someone, and someone i feel like i deserve a better situation than right now. But when it all seem impossible to have, why bother?