i'm a mess, i am.

I'll say i'm ungrateful.
I beg for this, i said i'm ready for this, but then i failed.

I guess it's okay when you're failing, but not when it involved other people's feeling.
I hurt you, i know that. I want to want this, truly do.

But i don't know how, how?
How to want this, how to balance this ?

I'm a mess, i am.
I can't fake this, i can't.
I hate being mean, i am.

I'm good in being a friend, but turns out i'm bad handling people that care about me. God, how i hate when people starts caring too much about me. What's wrong with me? Isn't that suppose to be great to have someone care about you? I don't know.. It sure doesn't feel that way right now. I prefer to be left alone, i feel comfortable that way.

How can you be this stubborn, huh?
How can you be so sure about me?
How can you handle me?
You don't get me, but you're trying your best. I applaud you for that, cause i'll hate me if i'm you. I hate how i can be so careless when you need me. When i be so mean and cruel even after you're being too kind to me.

Are you sure you can fix me?
i AM a mess, i am.