need to need

I'm proud to say that i'm an independent girl. I don't like when what i'm doing have to bother another people. But don't get me wrong, i never feel weird around new people, i make friends any day of my life.

It's just when it involves depending to other people i tend to bolt in my own way. I dunno why, but this habit been with me as long as i remember. Sometimes it makes me going to a rough path by myself, but that feels just alright to me. This habit never felt wrong until i find myself a boy.

My friends said to me that it's okay to depend on someone, but i feel like i ant depend on the person. He's not around, so it feels like no use to tell him whats bothering me,he wont be here anyway, so why bother? Is it wrong? I don't know, to me it's not. When i let myself go dependent i will be so needy, and when i think the person won't be able to fill the need, i'll be the tough one, i'll be the oh-so-independent one. When the real thing is i need to need someone, and someone i feel like i deserve a better situation than right now. But when it all seem impossible to have, why bother?