this particular feeling

I hope i can feel this kinda feeling again, finger crossed.

My Gadizsa said, "Don't be so narrow-minded there's someone for everyone "



When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

am not a commodity

Let's see what famous people said about friends:

"A friend is someone, who upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain than to have to watch their friend suffer."
- Amanda Grier

" Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you."
-Yassir Arafat

"if you haven't learned what friendship means then you haven't learned anything"
-muhamid alli

Yeah, you see their talking about how you need a friend to survive in your life. But not to commodify your friends. NEVER ever makes your friend think she's been used by you. It;s not cool, never ever will be cool.

This is a short post, too furious and disappointed.

i'm a mess, i am.

I'll say i'm ungrateful.
I beg for this, i said i'm ready for this, but then i failed.

I guess it's okay when you're failing, but not when it involved other people's feeling.
I hurt you, i know that. I want to want this, truly do.

But i don't know how, how?
How to want this, how to balance this ?

I'm a mess, i am.
I can't fake this, i can't.
I hate being mean, i am.

I'm good in being a friend, but turns out i'm bad handling people that care about me. God, how i hate when people starts caring too much about me. What's wrong with me? Isn't that suppose to be great to have someone care about you? I don't know.. It sure doesn't feel that way right now. I prefer to be left alone, i feel comfortable that way.

How can you be this stubborn, huh?
How can you be so sure about me?
How can you handle me?
You don't get me, but you're trying your best. I applaud you for that, cause i'll hate me if i'm you. I hate how i can be so careless when you need me. When i be so mean and cruel even after you're being too kind to me.

Are you sure you can fix me?
i AM a mess, i am.

To be a better me, she does.

This is yet another story of another precious person in my life.

Yep, it's another she.
She's been in my life not that long but long enough to let me learn a LOT from her.

I always think that i'm a rock. She let me know that being weak is human.
I tend to think i'm a failure. She brings out the best side of me.
I once stuck at my sadness. She cheer me out of the dark spot.

I can go on and on about her, but still won't picture her appropriately. She come to my life in my weakest point. She takes me to this new set of mind, set of goals, set of love.

From scratch to a masterpiece, i know she's able to do almost anything. I can say she's one of my role models, i see her as someone who knows wheres she's going, and how to achieve it.

Her ambition tend to let her down easily, but that is part of her charm. Her voice, her work habits, i have no other word but admiration. People say she's my best friend, i'd say she's my personal weed. And it's been an incredible year getting high with her.

So i'd say,
She's a rock
She's the rock that makes me this better person.
She's Dinda Sarasannisa. =)



Cause i'll say, "It's the story of our life that makes us human, tell your story"

for one more day

For One More Day by Mitch Albom, di buku ini tokoh utamanya diberi kesempatan menjali sehari penuh bersama almarhum ibunya. Membayar semua rasa rindu dan rasa bersalah yang dia punya ke ibunya.

Gw mikir, kalo itu terjadi di gw, i wanna have one day of my past, i really do. I wanna feel how it feels to feel again. To be free and talk about what you feel to my friend.

It must be great, to be the old me. haha..

this is my now

"Dont just want it, DO IT!!" said one of my bestfriend.
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3 Doors Down

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone do what I've done
I missed life
I missed the colours of the world
Can anyone go where I am

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't do what I've done

And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

an in between

When you're in the blue side, you'll say that the green way is wrong and cruel.

When you find yourself in the green side, you'll say the blues get it all wrong.

It simple, not 100% right. But you feel that certainity. That absolute feeling about your position.
Different story if you're an in between. You just an't decide. Because you know you're not a blue, you're not a green. You're a blueish green, or a greenish blue.

Deep inside, you know the blue way is the right one, but you're doing what a green people do.
So? can you blame the one doing green? Even when it hurts you're friends, you now it's what you do.

So, i'm not picking side.
I know how it feels being in the green zone.
And i respect the blue, i truly do. It's just sometimes it's more complicated to pick side, to pick an attitude, when you're damaged.

Damaged.

year book syndrome

I never open my year book. I asked my friend to write things in it when i graduated, then i never open it anymore.

I think i have a year book syndrome, that wave of sadness and memory, blaagh i don't handle it well. Today i happen to faing a real life year book. Today i'm walking in the same path as i do about 3 years a go.

Same plae. Sama situation. Different people.

Today when i walk on that path by myself, a little part of me hope that what i will see at the end of this day will be the same. But then, it doesn't. But i turned out okay.

Today while i try my harder not to remember things i don't have, i realize better things at the new end.

Today my memory from 3 years a go, slowly replaed.

I feel.. relieved. =)

this dear friend of mine

I wanna tell you this story about a dear friend of mine.

I won't say she's a fragile girl, no she isn't.
I won't say she's a whiny girl, no she isn't.
I won't say she's an unstable girl, no she's not.

Those are things i won't say about her, and these are things i will say about her

she's a full of love person
she has the most positive mind in her true state of mind.
she loves people in many ways, she's there and still be your friends even after you show her you're mean.
she loves people without doubt, not 50 - 50 like many people do these days.

And beause of these reason, people let her down easily. She thinks the best of everybody, she's what i think of a sweet girl.
She's simply herself, not afraid to be loveless, she spread many love to her friends.

Now, seeing she's hurt? I feel like my lovefull friend looked so helpless.
No way, dear friend i'm gonna let you be this fragile, i know you're not. You're tough in your own way, more than me, more than any other girl.

Never afraid to love, i adore you dear friend.

=)

this feeling, dejavu

When i first step my feet at UI i feel this sense, like a homey feel. I don't know why, but that feeling lead me to work my ass off for UI. And with so many support from friends and family, i get in.

Today, that feeling strut me one again. I don't wanna tell you what plae i'm stepping my feet into now. I just hope this time, i'll bust my ass off to get it. Amen!

From this day on, i'm gonna write one thing everyday, this thing will be about something that i found interesting and new to me. So one day i'll go to this blog, and relive my life.

Enjoy!

need to need

I'm proud to say that i'm an independent girl. I don't like when what i'm doing have to bother another people. But don't get me wrong, i never feel weird around new people, i make friends any day of my life.

It's just when it involves depending to other people i tend to bolt in my own way. I dunno why, but this habit been with me as long as i remember. Sometimes it makes me going to a rough path by myself, but that feels just alright to me. This habit never felt wrong until i find myself a boy.

My friends said to me that it's okay to depend on someone, but i feel like i ant depend on the person. He's not around, so it feels like no use to tell him whats bothering me,he wont be here anyway, so why bother? Is it wrong? I don't know, to me it's not. When i let myself go dependent i will be so needy, and when i think the person won't be able to fill the need, i'll be the tough one, i'll be the oh-so-independent one. When the real thing is i need to need someone, and someone i feel like i deserve a better situation than right now. But when it all seem impossible to have, why bother?