losing and bad feeling

Well, im on my worst mood in the week. So let me be mellow..
I know you've said your excuses
i know you can't change who you are
i know you have your priorities
I know, of all people, I know.

But its SUCKS when i fell used by you. Because i know you'll never do such a terrible thing. I know you're there, but somehow i started to doubt that. Am i overreacting ? I dunno, maybe i am, maybe i'm not. This disappointment i feel it's too HUGE to ignore. And if i have to give up, then be it.
It sucks that you do nothing, you know? Sucks.


I came to you the hour I was in pain
Looking for answers, I cried to you in vain.

I shared the many skeletons hiding in my heart,
I knew then you'd be my friend,
I knew it from the start.

Troubles ran like rivers, flowing through my life,
You picked the pieces up and help me through my strife.

When home wasn't home to me no more,
You opened up your heart, and opened up the door.

We cried into night until the early morn.
We solaced each other's pain and shared our many thorns.

As time flew, the air grew thick,
I saw our friendship fading, and my heart grew sick.

The day had arrived,
When it was time to say goodbye.

Hahh.. so be it.

guess i can be happy, at last.

I'll keep this thing for myself for a while, i decide.
No guys, i'm not sharing this feeling now. I need to make sure, this is what i want, and i'm gonna make sure i'm strong enough to answer all your questions.

Because when i'm with myself thinking about what-could-be-happening-right-now, im sincerely happy.
There, i said it.

It's not gonna be easy though, but i can handle it.
Is it worth it?
Well, you answer it to me please.
Cos im in my happy place, no question needs to be answered.

Happy, see?

Oh,shoot. We're growing up.

Looking right and left
Picking to my past and continue building my future
Gosh, am i missing something?
Where all the fun go?
It's all about responsibility now
Tiring.

Suddenly it feels like i'm 16 again
But then, what's the big difference?

Ahh the confusion! I guess it's not here when i'm 16.
All and aall it come to this last sentence

Shoot, i'm growing up.

still a friend of mine?

Bagi gw, temen itu penting. Untuk punya orang yang bisa ada di samping lo apapun yang lo alamin itu menjadi salah satu penyebab sebuah momen terasa lebih lengkap. Maupun momen itu sedih atau bahagia temen selalu bisa ngisi momen itu dengan baik.
So losing friend? Bukan sesuatu yang bisa gw terima.
Sesigkat apapun lo temenan sama orang, tetep mereka udah ngisi momen dalam hidup lo untuk itu mereka harus tetap disitu dan complete the stories, isn't it?

Saat tiba-tiba seseorang itu hilang begitu saja, timbul banyak pertanyaan pasti, kayak yang sekarang ada di pikiran gw, " Apa dari awal itu sebuah pertemanan? Atau hanya sebuah teriakan minta tolong dari seorang kawan?" Yahh yang jelas itu aneh. Paling nggak bagi gw itu jelas-jelas aneh. Hal ini sedikit membuat gw amaze, how fast you go from being close friend to become a complete stranger..

Jadi, apakah pantes masi disebut temen? still a friend of mine? Nope, i dont think so. Saat seseorang gak cukup peduli sama gw, untuk apa gw masih peduli sama dia, ya kan?
Sangat menyedihkan.

let's call the whole thing off, but not yet! hhe

Baru dapet lagu ini dari si Fahri ( bener ga si ?) hhe daaan liriknya LUCU SEKALIII!!
Silahkan dinikmati kawan-kawan!!

Louis Armstrong feat Ella Fitzgerald

Things have come to a pretty pass
Our romance is growing flat,
For you like this and the other
While I go for this and that,
Goodness knows what the end will be
Oh I don't know where I'm at
It looks as if we two will never be one
Something must be done:

Chorus - 1
You say either and I say either, You say neither and I say neither
Either, either Neither, neither, Let's call the whole thing off.

You like potato and I like potahto, You like tomato and I like tomahto
Potato, potahto, Tomato, tomahto, Let's call the whole thing off

But oh, if we call the whole thing off Then we must part
And oh, if we ever part, then that might break my heart

So if you like pyjamas and I like pyjahmas, I'll wear pyjamas and give up
pyajahmas
For we know we need each other so we , Better call the whole off off
Let's call the whole thing off.


Chorus - 2
You say laughter and I say larfter, You say after and I say arfter
Laughter, larfter after arfter, Let's call the whole thing off,

You like vanilla and I like vanella, You saspiralla, and I saspirella
Vanilla vanella chocolate strawberry, Let's call the whole thing off

But oh if we call the whole thing of then we must part
And oh, if we ever part, then that might break my heart

So if you go for oysters and I go for ersters, I'll order oysters and cancel
the ersters
For we know we need each other so we, Better call the calling off off,
Let's call the whole thing off.


Chorus - 3
I say father, and you say pater, I saw mother and you say mater
Pater, mater Uncle, auntie, let's call the whole thing off.

I like bananas and you like banahnahs, I say Havana and I get Havahnah
Bananas, banahnahs Havana, Havahnah, Go your way, I'll go mine

So if I go for scallops and you go for lobsters, So all right no contest we'll
order lobseter
For we know we need each other so we, Better call the calling off off,
Let's call the whole thing off.


Turns out i LOVE this kindda music! LOVE IT! MAkasi rii!hhe

music and meaningful lyrics.

“Gila, lagu ini gue banget.”
Setiap hari kita mendengarkan lagu, di dalam mobil, di kantor, di rumah, sampai sewaktu di jalan pun kita mendengarkan lagu. Lagu dikatakan sebagai pengiring kehidupan sehari – hari kita. Perkataan seperti diatas tentu menjadi tidak asing di kehidupan kita sehari – hari. Banyak orang merasakan bahwa sebuah suasana dapat didukung oleh lagu – lagu tertentu, bahwa sebuah lagu dapat mempengaruhi perasaan mereka. Perasaan kita ini dipengaruhi oleh 2 elemen penting dalam lagu, yaitu lirik dan irama.

Lirik, perkataan yang tertuang di dalam sebuah lagu
Dalam sebuah artikelnya, Amar Mahmood, seorang penulis beraliran filsafat, mengatakan, “Di dalam lagu terdapat melodi, irama, gelombang frekuansi, vibrasi, getaran, anda boleh panggil apa yang anda suka, tetapi ia adalah satu gelombang frekuensi atau energi yang akan mempengaruhi gelombang otak anda.” Dari sini kita bisa tahu bahwa apa yang kita rasakan saat mendengerkan lagu merupakan hasil kerja otak kita.

Bagi kaum remaja sebagai konsumer utama dari lagu – lagu populer, apa yang mereka dengarkan dapat membantu mereka mengatasi mood mereka saat itu. Saat sedih, mendengarkan lagu – lagu berirama mellow dapat memberi perasaan yang seirama dengan isi hati mereka. Saat marah, irama hard-rock atau heavy-metal menyuarakan isi hati mereka. Hal ini semakin memperkuat peran lagu dalam kehidupan sehari – hari mereka.

Hal yang sama berlaku buat gw. Jelas banget orang bisa tau apa yang lagi gw rasain dengan nebak lagu apa yang lagi gw ulang-ulang terus di list lagu gw di handphone. Ada masanya gw dengerin "Always Be My BaBy" nya DAvid Cook, hhe yaa dengerin aja liriknya kira-kira kenapa tu lagu gw dengerin mulu. Ada juga masa-masa ga berenti dengerin lagu "Goin Where The Wind Blows" Mr Big, waktu gw bener2 lagi happy sama pilihan gw. Yaa banyak yang lainnya laah..

Sekarang gw bilang, gw lagi dengerin lagu-lagu yang dengan sangat absurd gw pilih dari playlist gw, sampe lagu Warkop hasil cekokan si fahcry, jadii bagaimana mood gw saat inii?

Hahahaha. fun thing to write!

update

Nulis nih gw.

..

Nih gambaran perasaan gw sekarang


...


all of a sudden



not so cheery anymore.

When Harry Meet Sally

Ada yang udah ntn film ini?
Kalo belum gw sangat SARANKAN buat nonton, ah no one can't get enough of great coincidence-true-love-story,,

Jadi Harry ketemu Sally saat mereka baru lulus kuliah dan mau berangkat ke New York. MEreka gak kenal satu sama lain,tapi si Harry nebeng mobilnya Sally sampe sana. Sepanjang jalan pembicaraannya berlangsung lancar dan seru bgt! *hebat banget deh Meg Ryan. Sampe akhirnya sampe di kota tujuan dan mereka berpisah.

Lima tahun kemudian mereka ketemu lagi secara gak sengaja, Sally pacaran sama temnnya Harry, dan HArry udah mau menikah. Mereka satu pesawat, and again the great conversation happend. SAmpai di airport, mereka pisah lagi.

Enam tahun kemudian, mereka ketemu lagi, SAlly single dan Harry pun baru cerai, lalu mereka nyoba buat temenan, walaupun, i quote Harry " Man and woman can't be friends, the sex thing will always get in the way." ahahaha.

And the story begins,, ahh MUST SEEN MOVIE!

Abis nonton ini membuat gw bertanya-tanya segitu susahnya ketemu orang yang bisa dapet chemistrynya sama kita? Sampe kadang-kadang kita gak nyadar dia muncul dalam wujud seorang temen nebeng doang gitu. Gw orang yang sangat mementingkan chemistry sama pasangan gw, kalo gak ada, yaa gabisa dimulai apa2. Salah ya? Banyak orang merasa harus dicoba dulu baru bisa dijudge, tapi kalo gada ketertarikan buat apa? Ahh memusingkan, why can't everything be as simple as first love?

all at sea.

Blaagh! i simply hate it when people exaggerate.
Yaudah lah ya, santai aja, jangan mendramatisir hal - hal kecil dalam hidup lo. Paling nggak gausa diceritain lah ke orang lain, really, i dont wanna know.

Yaa yaa i've changed i know, but for the better in my case. I need to be more me, to see more me, to hear more me and less about anyone else.

Kemaren banyak cerita dari berbagai temen gw tentang ini, yaa i love my great friend Gadizsa say. She knows me well. Kalo kata dinda gw kayak hilang dari permukaan bumi, hahhaa. Maybe i am, i'm all at sea.

Jamie Cullum - All At Sea

I’m all at sea
Where no one can bother me
Forgot my roots
If only for a day
Just me and my thoughts
Sailing far away

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea

I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
I don’t speak to nobody
I gave away my phone

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea

Now I need you more than ever
I need you more than ever now

If you don’t need it every day
But sometimes don’t you just crave
To disappear within your mind
You never know what you might find
So come and spend some time with me
And we will spend it all at sea

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea

Ooooh
If you want to, all at sea
If you want to

all at sea.

Blaagh! i simply hate it when people exaggerate.
Yaudah lah ya, santai aja, jangan mendramatisir hal - hal kecil dalam hidup lo. Paling nggak gausa diceritain lah ke orang lain, really, i dont wanna know.

Yaa yaa i've changed i know, but for the better in my case. I need to be more me, to see more me, to hear more me and less about anyone else.

Kemaren banyak cerita dari berbagai temen gw tentang ini, yaa i love my great friend Gadizsa say. She knows me well. Kalo kata dinda gw kayak hilang dari permukaan bumi, hahhaa. Maybe i am, i'm all at sea.

Jamie Cullum - All At Sea

I’m all at sea
Where no one can bother me
Forgot my roots
If only for a day
Just me and my thoughts
Sailing far away

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea

I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
I don’t speak to nobody
I gave away my phone

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea

Now I need you more than ever
I need you more than ever now

If you don’t need it every day
But sometimes don’t you just crave
To disappear within your mind
You never know what you might find
So come and spend some time with me
And we will spend it all at sea

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea

Ooooh
If you want to, all at sea
If you want to

me me and mee!!

Satu minggu terakhir ini gw menghabiskan waktu lebih banyak membaca hal - hal yang udah gw lakuin dalam hidup, teman-teman yang pernah ada dalam hidup gw, kebodohan-kebodohan yang gw lakukan, dan seterusnya. Dari situ gw sedikit lebih mengerti tentang gw dan cara gw menjalani hidup gw. I'm a positive person. Dan lately gw menyadari kalau pemikiran gw yang positif kadang-kadang bisa buat orang sebel dan gak suka sama gw, but what the hell.

Gw yang dulu selalu merasa harus bisa membuat orang yang temenan sama gw selalu senang dan nyaman, tetapi gak selamanya membuat orang seneng aja bisa membuat hidup gw juga seneng. Jadi, akhir-akhir ini gw memutuskan untuk mengedepankan kebutuhan diri gw sendiri. Ignore what other people might think about it, hey i need a break from pleasing people right? Mungkin terdengar egois, tapi blaaghh gak peduli. Gak semua orang sebaik yang kita kenal juga kan? Jadi setelah gw pikir - pikir buat apa pusing mikirin apa yang dibutuhin orang lain?

Dan ternyata mengedepankan prioritas diri lo sangat menyenangkan! ahah. Gw gak perlu caught up dengan masalah orang lain, kecuali my very close friends of course. Rasanya menyenangkan buat merasa the world spinning just for me, even just in my mind. Jadi tiap hari gw bisa jalani dengan ringan dan fokus.


Thaats all i guess! ahaahha =)

Lucas said to Peyton , " Hey, at some point, people leave.."

Anybody know who's Lucas and Peyton?

They're my favorite character in One Tree Hill.
Well, Peyton is a solid character. In some cases, i can see her just like me, not the artist side of course.. ahaaha. She build a brick wall for people to get to know her, just like i do. But once they're in, they are in.

When Lucas come to her life, she makes him climb that high brick wall to be with her, to know her, to be the one she can share her thoughts with. He did it. But just then she said to him,
" Just promise me, u will be around for a long time." then he said " I am, Peyton. I'm here even when u're sick as hell to talk to me," hahaha what a nice sentence, right?

Then, life happens.

Yet another drawing made by Peyton, it said " People Always Leave ".
When Lucas see the picture, he said " Hey, at some point people leave." Peyton said " Story of my life."

wohooww! entah mengapa jd kangen nonton episode ini. Buat yang belum pernah nonton OTH, tonton dehh soo much wise words and great story too.

Dalam hal ini gw setujuuuu, at some point people do leave you. Jadi mesti bisa belajar mengandalkan diri lo sendiri, karena lo ga pernah tau kapan orang itu akan pergi dan apa efeknya bagi diri lo. Mungkin saat belom ngerasain, kita bisa bilang gak mungkin laah, dia temen gw, dan lain-lain, tapi percayalahh kalo akan ada waktunya itu terjadi.

Gw sendiri kaget banget sama efeknya, hhe, but i handle this preety well i guess. Kadang merasa betapa tidak adilnya semua itu, tapi balik lagi emang begitu adanya kan? Pasti ada baiknya dibalik semuanya. Gw sedang belajar bagaimana menjaga semuanya, dan gw harap semua bisa kembali seperti sedia kala. Kalo tetep nggak, yaa, it's okay. I'll just miss that times soo much.

Chiaow!!

She's The One..

Just before this note, i had a fight with my mother. And because all of the anger, i said cruel thing to her, and she said some to me.

Huff,it's the saddest thing ever.

See, a mother it's supposed to be the one you can tell all of your stories and mind. Me? I never do that with my mother, i think to tell her stories i need to be perfect and all. Tonight, i know it's totally wrong. A mother need to know what happen in your life, because she prays for you in every breath she takes, she have every right to know how are you doing.

Tonight, i have tears for this. Is it too late for me to built a new relationship with her? I'm having the biggest regret ever for taken her for granted. Oh God, let me have a beautiful relation with her. I love her too much.

So, stop complaining about her being so need-to-know-about-your-life. NEVER take your mother for granted. Start to get to now her, share your anger and tears with her, she's the best answer to your doubts. I hope it's not to late now to turn this relationship around.

Huff.. Love you MUCHH, mom.

a listener, i am.

"Me, dimana lo? Mau cerita nih gw.."

Satu kalimat yang sering gw terima dari temen - temen gw. Saat kalimat ini kuar dari temen gw, gw pasti akan langsung meluncur ke dia dan mendengarkan. Entah sedih atau senang, gw menganggap hal kayak gini tuh sebagai sebuah kehormatan bagi gw. Waktu seseorang mau ngungkapin keluhan , harapan dan hal - hal dalam hari -hari dia , gw merasa kalo gw punya peran bagi dia. Saat - saat kayak gitu merupakan waktu buat gw mencoba belajar membaca dan melihat orang lain, waktu buat gw dapat bener - bener berarti buat temen - temen gw. Saat gw bisa membantu mereka ngelewatin masa-masa sulit, saat gw berhasil membantu mereka membuat keputuasn yang lebih baik, wow, gw merasa tersanjung dan seneng banget. Orang - orang bilang gw tuh emang selalu mau tau masalah orang, tapi asal kalian tauu,, gw hanya ingin membantu looh.. Dan saat masalah kalianselesai, gw dapat bersenang- senang lagi kan sama kalian? hho

"Makasih ya, Me.."

Bukan hal baru buat gw menjadi seorang pendengar, tapi yang paling hebat adalah bagaimana tiap orang bisa punya cara pandang yang begitu bervariasi sehingga saat sebuah hal terjadi sama dua orang yang berbeda hasilnya bisa beda banget. Hal ini tuh always amaze me sehingga saat gw dengerin cerita temen - temen gw, itu jadi sebuah pengalaman baru gw dalam mengenal mereka. Sehingga saat mereka ngucapin terimakasih, hmm, gw rasa itu gak perlu laah, karena dengan percaya sama gw aja gw udah merasa dihargai banget looh.Hhe.

"Menurut lo gimana, Me?"

Biasanya di ending cerita selalu muncul deh ni pertanyaan. Disini peran seorang pendengar yang paling krusial. Bagaimana lo ngungkapin pendapat lo, tapi dengan merhatiin kira-kira hal apa yang emang mampu dilakuin sama teman lo ini. Gw paling seneng bagian ini, he, gw seneng saat orang bisa tau pemikiran gw, apalagi saat hal itu ternyata coock sama mereka. Asik!hhe.

The Down Point

Menjadi seorang pendengar kadang buat gw males bgt buat nyeritain masalah gw. Buat apa nambah beban orang lain? Terus jadi timbul asumsi - asumsi dodol karena gak dapat masukan dan pendapat orang lain. Bisa dibilang gw sering takut untuk mendengar masukan orang untuk masalah gw, takut mereka bener dan gw harus mencoba melakukannya. Enggan aja membuat orang tau kalo gw juga suka bodoh saat mengahadapi masalah gw sendiri, jadi ya gak banyak orang yang bener-bener tau tentang perasaan gw, karena not everybody stubborn enough buat menggali isi pikiran gw. Kebiasaan yang jelek, karena kepenatan gw jadi numpuk - numpuk dan saat gw lagi lemah, hancurlah semuanya.

Nulis ini sebuah hasil inspirasi dari orang-orang yang sering cerita - cerita sama gw lately. Tapi kenapa belum bisa bener-bener mengungkapkan isi otak gw ya? Well, masih masih harus belajar menulis lebih baik lagi berarti. HHe,

Ciaow!

just a blast from the past.

Quote of this day,


"Rasa memiliki sebuah hal emang membawa perubahan yang sangat besar terhadap apa yang lo rasakan. "



Saat itu gw melakukan semua yang gw mampu tanpa gw hitung untung ruginya. Karena gw merasa hitung - hitungan itu gak lagi penting saat gw melakukan sesuatu yang penting . Bener gak? Saat lo melakukan apa yang lo sayang, lo gak akan merasakan adanya kerugian no matter how things turns up. Yang lo pikirin yaa cuma bagaimanapun caranya asal hal ini berlangsung lancar dan memuaskan semua orang.

Tapi, emang hal ini ternyata gak bisa digeneralisasi. Ternyata gw gak bisa menyamaratakan yang gw rasain ini ke semua pihak, karena gak semuanya berpikir sama sama gw. Jadi apa gw salah? Yah, menurut gw sih nggak dan yang dirasakan orang - orang lain itu juga gak salah. Semua jadi salah saat dicampur-adukkan dengan prasangka dan judgment - judgment gak berdasar.

Ironis sekali .

no such thing.

Get to know yourself.

Then get to know your friends.

And NEVER think that everybody is your friend, trust me there's no such thing.


It's a simple message for everyone, it is very important to know who you are, how you handle your emotion, how you see other people and respect them, and the most important thing is to know when you have to see the imperfect things you have in yourself.

Well, when it's come to situations when you see flaw in other people, this is the perfect time to see what you have before let that other people down with your judgment. Please, there's no such perfection in human. You have flaws.

Friends, are the people who still there even after they see the ugliness in you, the flaws in you. They're the people that respect you enough to crtitisize you in person, not at your back. They who stubborn enough to still be next to you even after you disappointed them so bad. They who see they're imperfect quality and beg you to fill the space. They are the people that worth your tears, your anger, your thought, your smile.

So when you get to know yourself and your friends, you can be your best, you can see better, you can smile wider, you can breathe easier.
Trust me, i can feel that the world is a much more better place now when i know who my friends are. And you know who you're all are. x)

huaaaahh.