Might have been? (Day 1)

Day 1

Jadi akhirnya memutuskan untuk mulai nulis blog lagi. Akhir-akhir ini merasa kemampuan menulis makin menyedihkan T_T, jadi mari menulis.

Ada satu hal yang sudah lama ada di otak, belum menemukan waktu yang tepat untuk diceritakan. So here it goes.

Saat ini gw merasa semua sama, datar dan rasanya siklus mengerikan dalam hidup gw mulai datang lagi. Haha. Siklus apa itu? Gw menyebutnya "Might have been" virus. Kira-kira sindromnya ada beberapa tahap.


TAHAP 1:
"Lo itu sahabat terbaik yang bisa gw harapkan."

Apa respon kalian bacanya? Kalo gw, yang mengalaminya (again) sih enek. Serius deh, gmn caranya lo bisa tau itu bukan sebuah excuse yang dipakai supaya mereka gak harus memilih? Enak bgt ya pastinya, kalo yang pernah gw denger, perumpaannya tuh kayak remote AC, kalo panas dicari tapi kalo udah dingin lupa ditaro dimana. Lol.


TAHAP 2:
Pada fase ini, mulai lah dia menceritakan tentang sang wanita idaman.

Setelah berjam-jam lo denger semua kehebatan nih cewe dan obsesi dia ke cewe ini. Otomatis lo jadi penasaran dong? (apa gw doang?). Nah kenalan deh sama si cewe ini, sebagai itung-itung bantuin si sahabat kita ini supaya hubungan percintaannya lancar. Setelah kenal sama si cewe, lo dengan secepat kilat memperlancar hubungan mereka (buah simalakama?) hahaha.

TAHAP 3:
Di tahap ini lo mulai jadi bumper buat hubungan mereka yang lagi salting-saltingnya. Kemana-mana diajak dan di update tentang perasaan mereka. Di masa ini sih biasanya lo masih mereasa fine-fine aja dan seru-seru aja, karena masih ada di depan mata lo nih makhluknya. Padahal, tahap ini merupakan fase yang penting dimana lo seharusnya mempertegas posisi lo.

TAHAP 4:
Perlahan tapi pasti, mundur.

Mereka mulai punya local jokes dan kita mulai tersisihkan secara tidak langsung. So, mulai melangkah mundur daripada gondok.

Yaa.. Next thing you know, mereka jadi happy couple. Haha.

Ever been in one of these situation? Ini sangat menyebalkan, rasanya kyk dimanfaatin.. at first. Tapi makin lama emang keliatan bahwa mereka cocok blablabla. Tapi ini cukup sekali aja deh dirasain. menjadi sebuah pilihan itu sucks dan gak ada yang seharusnya ada di posisi itu.

Jadi waktu posisi ini datang lagi menghampiri gw, gw bingung..

"Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her
As they take me to my local down the street
I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet.. - The Script."

 Let it be..

gilmore girls

If i am Lorelai Gilmore and you are my Luke Danes, i'll pray to God to send me my Max soon so you'll know that you have to do something to get what you want.

Maybe it'll make me lose my coffee fix every morning or my favorite time of the day when we're joking around at your diner. But i'll take my chances.

Chiao!

Kalo Gak Etis, Bukan Berarti Gak Logis #eh

"Kalo Gak Etis, 

                         Bukan Berarti 

                                                   Gak LOGIS."

Proses itu yang penting, kawan.

 

Perbedaan pola pikir itu biasa.

Perbedaan perilaku apalagi.

Variasi dalam berpikir itu penting.

Apalagi dalam bertindak.

Yang jadi salah adalah ketika semua merasa caranya palimg benar. Ya, ketika kita lihat hanya lewat satu pandangan saja. Mana mungkin seseorang yang selama hidupnya tinggal di gunung, bisa memberi deskripsi tentang hangatnya air laut di malam hari? Bisa salah kaprah semua.

Karena itu lah, kita perlu saling berKOMUNIKASI. Bertanya dan diskusi tentang berbagai pandangan yang ada. Jadi, kita tidak picik dan sempit dalam menilai segala sesuatu. Kalo kita nilai suku Baduy pedalaman itu jorok, karena menolak peradaban, ya kita yang bodoh. Semua mesti dilihat dari berbagai sudut pandang. Ya toh?

Tulisan ini terinspirasi dari perbincangan asyik di jurusan gw mulai dari tadi malam. Yaa, banyak prasangka bertebaran. Banyak opini terlontar, Semua punya pendapat dong untuk bicara. Termasuk gw! So, here it goes.

Sesuai quote di atas. Gw sederhananya heran, apakah menikmati masa-masa awal kuliah sangat dirasa merugikan? Gw sendiri tidak merasakan sepenuhnya, tapi it is fun! Mencari dan mengeksplor diri sama teman-teman sendiri. Kalo ditanya sekarang, gw gak akan merubah keputusan apapun. Proses itu penting, proses itu yang membuat manusia jadi bijak, proses itu yang membuka mata kita. Bisa jadi kok kita gak setuju apa kata si A, tapi apa salahnya sih mencoba bertindak ala si A? Ya itung-itung memperkaya diri lah. Mungkin kita gabisa nyanyi, tapi apa salahnya sih nyanyi? Coba aja, masih muda ini. Mungkin kita gak suka berargumen, ya apa salahnya sih nyoba2 sotoy2an? Haha.

Dari dulu gw pribadi bingung sama orang yg terlalu banyak menganalisa tingkah lakunya. Yaaudah lah ya, jalanin aja. Gak ada apapun yang sia-sia, semua pasti ada pengaruhnya ke diri kita. Jalanin aja, rasakan, nikmati, ambil pelajarannya. Selesai kan? Kalo gontok-gontokan, hina-hinaan, mau sampe kapan?

Untuk para 'adik' tersayang, kalian rugi sekali gabisa merasakan nikmatnya masa belajar itu. Terlalu sibuk memikirkan harga diri dan rasa malu yang kalian hadapi. Kemana sopan santun dan toleransi yang katanya milik kita? Dimana kalian belajar untuk menjadi begitu picik dengan prestasi kalian yang segudang itu? Dan ironisnya, dia yang lepar batu pun sembunyi tangan.

Semoga ditengah kesibukan kalian dalam mengritik dan menghujat, kalian mendapatkan esensi yang berusaha diberi. Kalau tidak ada sama sekali, poor you. U've lost A LOT.

Sebenrnya gak penting-penting bgt tulisan ini, belum tentu juga dibaca. Tapi tidak ada salahnya sedikit berbagi. Ayoo berhenti cuma berorientasi pada hasil, mulai nikmati prosesnya.
Semakin maju zaman, seharusnya makin bijak dan terbuka pikirannya, kan? Seharusnya. :D

See 'you' tomorrow then!

Chiao!

Kate Middleton's Reiss engagement dress!

I love her dress.
Not yet able to afford the real one. So, allow me to use the design and create my own dress.

THEY LOOK SO HAPPY! Envy.

I cant get the Man yet, but i WILL get the dress, Kate! :)

comfort zone, number 1 enemy?

Gw termasuk orang yang mencari dan membuat comfort zone di tiap aktivitas gw. Sampai detik ini masih tidak bisa melihat kalo ternyata comfort zone itu sebuah hal yang harus dihindari. Katanya, kalo kita uda comfort di satu tempat, dengan orang-orang dan segala hal yang terkait, kita jadi malas dan cuek.

Sedangkan buat gw, malah sebaliknya. Ketika gw comfort, gw akan menyayangi aktifitas itu, karena gw menyayangi, i will give my all.

Nah kata salah satu bos besar di tempat gw menimba pengalaman sekarang adalah:

" Perangi comfort zone itu."

Nah, gw jadi mikir. Apa sih makna comfort zone itu sebenarnya?

Apa pemikiran ini cuma berlaku buat gw? Bahwa gw akan kerja total, jika gw sangat nyaman. Bukan malah kerja asal, ketika sudah nyaman. Karena pengalaman gw saat gw tidak mendapatkan comfort zone gw adalah, ketika gw tertekan gw mending lari aja dibanding cerita dan mengeluh pada teman sejawat.

Lagi-lagi ini masalah perspective. Well, to me, i need my comfort zone to work my best. Kurang lebihnya yaa mohon dipahami aja.

Haha!

About The Little Prince

Currently reading The Little Prince, a classic novel by a French novelist Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. 
Quiet confusing at first, but once you get it, it has a deep reflexion about everything you know about life. t's simple yet complex in the same time. I dunno, i still believe there's something more about the little boy..


The thing i love the most about reading books is to find a little bit of my life in the main character's life. That is my thing. And in this particular book, i don't quiet know why i love the story. It's nothing like my life, yet it give me a lot to think about. Do read this light book, it will give you a new perspective.
:)


“Men have forgotten this basic truth. But you must not forget it. For what you have tamed, you become responsible forever.” 
— The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Worth to think about..

"It is very sad to me that some people are so intent on leaving their mark on the world that they don’t care if that mark is a scar."

— John Green (via elige)

A cup of freedom, please

21 going to be 22 in a couple of months.

I happen to know what i want, what i love to do, whom i love to spend my time with.
But i guess sometimes life's trick me with giving the right argument.

"I shouldn't do this.. You can't do that.. It's not supposed to be happening.. It's not the right path.. etc."

So when the crossroads lie in front of my eyes, i tend to choose the "supposed-to-be-pick" road.
And i'm making myself happy with that choice.

This time, i wonder.
If i pick what i want, not what i suppose to, can i be happier?
If i dare my brain to rest and let my heart rule my actions, can i be more free?
If i let my eyes do the talking, instead my mouths, can i be more honest?
If i just do things without thinking twice, is it gonna be surprising?


I wonder and wonder..
I wanna be bolder, i wanna own my freedom.


So people, can i have a cup of freedom, please? With judgement on the side.

Not a Cheering Squad

I decided to blog again. Simply because i need to whine, and blab about this thing.

What thing, you may wonder.

Well, this thing i keep telling myself, that i have a limit.

In this case, not because i'm too busy or too tired, come on, i'm not.

In this case is because i need to give me a break. That not everything's okay. The way you treated me it's not okay, it's not supposed to, it can't be something that i can face everyday and do nothing at the end.

In this case is to make some bold movements outside my comfort zone. To disappointed other people, to not always being there when they in need, to not always feel obligated to do something i don't really wanna do.

But i only have the guts to blog about this, and not talk about it out loud.

At least, this is a first step?

Harsh.

She Could Be You

Shawn Hlookoff
She Could Be You lyric

I'm haunted by this photograph

Don't know why
Everytime I look, I get shivers down my spine
You're such a beautiful face
I know those eyes
They take me back in time

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you

I wish that i could tell you
What you don't know
I dream about that day
But it's impossible
In another world,
I'll be yours tonight
But i can't break free from this life

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you

I see it all the time
I know it's true
A picture doesn't lie

She could be you
I wouldn't even know
She could be you
But that was long ago
She could be you

She could be you
She could be you

Love Kyle XY.

Cheerio

safety net and crossroads

Since our mother pregnant, she keeps us in her womb. All warm and save.
Certain of our safety, well taken care of, loved.
Then we born. All new things and people surround us.
We have to found a way to protect ourself, so when things fall apart, we stay strong.

I call that creating our safety net. A way to alarm ourself when things got back, to step back and stay safe.
Inside that net, its safe, distant from anything that will shake up our beleieve, our state of mind, and our heart.

Finding the safety net is not easy, I have to gone through so many thing to find one.
I have one. I know exactly how to feel save whenever I want.
To me, its about a broken heart.
Well as cheesy as it sound, it is.

So when I see this place, this way to secure my feelings, I take it.
This place cure me. Really did. I just forgot that everything has its price.
My price is that I become so secure and save so I hate to put any jeopardy to lose it.

Suddenly, I was shaken by the fact that I lose so many thing as a price to be inside this net.
I have to get my life started. By take a step out of this place.
Its hard.
Its my crossroads.
I choose to walk awaY.
I need to lose my net.
Reborn?
Not yet.

But this is about me.
I can handle this, as always.
Go me!!


Cheerio.

am i matter?

This is what people seeking in their everyday life.

This is what people hope they have.

This is what i think i have to achieve.

Am i matter to you?

Is my thoughts important to you?

Do i make changes in your life?

Do people care about what i feel?

Or they just having too much fun using me as a getaway.

Or they pretend they care, so they feel better.

Or they keep on whining and whining without once asking me about how I feel? How i do?

Friends is overrated.

it's not by the book.

I think everybody is like a book. Like a novel, there's a main character, conflict, climax, and everything you see in a novel. 
Sometimes the character is so bold, you could've guess the storyline from the very first page. 
Sometime, the character so blur, you have to read the whole book to get it.
Sometime, you simply get it. You don't have to read the book, cause you see yourself in it.




So i know this one person who know me, get the idea of my book. This person might not be know every trivial detail about me. But this person could've guess, and will be right. Cause this person gets it. The whole package. The whole deal.


There's another one. This person willing to read me, page per page. This person read it, literally, and believe it. That this is the idea of me, because this novel said so. So this must be it. 


The thing is, people change. Every minute, every day, there's a little bit change we're going through. One day i love blue, the next day red looks more cute. The little things, the little things that make a huge change in a daily basis. I know sometimes it's nice when someone notices your secret expression, your favorite coffee, your type of shoes. It is nice. But it changes, so never say something like, " Ah, this is your favorite shoes. Because you said so. I remember." Noo, come on. It changes.


When you get the idea of someone, the way they think, the way they see the world, the way they reacted to something, the way they see themself. It's great. Because the shoe thing doesn't really matter anymore. you know the person, so it doesn't matter, wheter you know their favorite color, or their favorite music. No matter, it's the getting about their mind that matter much. to me, at least.


So when this person gets me, and the way i think about myself, i feel so damn good. Like someone finally make sense of what i am. What i think about. And i have to thank God i have this person as my best bud, so he continually reminds me, that  people can make sense. 


That simple. People make sense, when you get to know them not memorize them.

up up up!

Get my days up!

So i'm making the wrong move, that's okay. Now, what will i do to make it right again? That's the challanging part. Everybody can wallow and cry, but the one who wipe the tears away with the new leaves is the one who will succeeded.

UP UP, TIME!!!!!!!

want my own kinda fairy tale..

early 20 crisis?

What i want?
What i need?
Where have i been?
Which way to choose?
What life i want?

These questions, mumbling around in my head. So tired of it, this messed me up. I dont know what i want, and how to be a better me. I feel like i'm making all the wrong choice, and the worst timing.

So a dear friend actually open my eyes the other day, i get it. But how come i don't know what i want? How come i'm stumbling around everywhere wthout really know exactly where i want to be? I need to get to know with myself. Really am.

A.S.A.P.

My tarot reading

Hasil pembacaan tarot online.
Biasanya gak percaya, tapi kok agak - agak tepat? Nahloh.




Card 1 (The Tower) : How you feel about yourself now »


You feel that the disruption and sweeping change you are going through, or fear you are about to go through, will be catastrophic. You need to recognise that such upheaval can force new directions that you never dreamed possible. Subconsciously you may have wanted change, but as is often the case, the solution isn't always as we expect. There could be problems relating to your property, or if considering a new property or move, progress will be thwarted.




Card 2 (The Devil) : What you most want at this moment »


The cards suggest that what you most want at this time you can't have, like the forbidden fruit, which makes it all the more tempting. Or you could go for it but you know that it would be a bad choice and for all the wrong reasons. Yes, you want passion and gratification - just be careful where you go looking for it.



Card 3 (The Hierophant) : Your fears »


Are you really your best counsel? Probably not at this moment in time. You are worried that you will sell yourself short and agree to something that you don't feel morally comfortable with. For example you may really desire marriage but the offer has been 'let's live together'. You may be looking at a job or business opportunity but you question how ethical it is. Seek out an advisor you can trust such as a teacher, priest, parent or anyone you have respect for. They will be happy to help.




Card 4 (The Lovers) : What is going for you »


New love and commitment will enter your life, even if there's no one on the horizon - be prepared for a surprise. Throw caution to the wind and expect joyous and happy times ahead.




Card 5 (Strength) : What is going against you »


Your negativity and lack of self control are your real enemies. If you are finding certain addictions in your life are taking a hold, be it smoking or drinking for example, look inward for you hearts true strength and self-belief. Change your attitude and be positive and you will reap great rewards.



Card 6 (Justice) : Outcome »


Justice will be done. Decisions will go in your favour, particularly regarding partnerships or legal matters. A time for some good luck and reward for your good deeds in the past.

all of a sudden

I wonder how you can change me the way you did?

What did you do?

my books, lovely books =))

i'm upset today.
dunno why, then i turned around and meet them.
Precious old books of mine, aah how i miss hunting them with my father..

So,i've decided i'm gonna start read them again and review them in my blog. hhe
Hope you'll be inspired to read them too, they're great. Takes you to dream land.
They say Pisces people love and dream about livin in the dream. I guess thats true, and that's come true when i read and dream to be in the far away land.

Ah, please, don't take me back to reality.

;)